Ok, catch up time I suppose.

I've been married to Stephen for 11 years, since I was 22. I thought we were happy. I couldn't understand why other people broke up so easily. We have really different backgrounds - he has a really close family, I have close brothers but the rest of them... another story - but it seemed to work.

I come from money; quite a lot of it actually. But I joined the Navy when I was 20 and have shuttled between the Navy and the Army ever since so its not like it made a huge difference on an every day basis. And he is an actor/producer and is quite successful so that was never an issue. Spending time together always has been, as I go off for weeks (months a couple of times) and he goes off for a couple of months at a time if he has a film going. But we make the effort and if he's off then I make sure I'm out there every weekend or so, and he's well known for almost flying into war zones on a regular basis.

We lost two babies. One was a miscarriage really early, and James we lost at 20 weeks. Did I mention I am pregnant. No? No, Stephen - not his real name obviously - doesn't know either. Well, since I walked in on him and his fancy bit in my house and walked out again I figure that he doesn't deserve to know yet.

Plus, if I tell him it all becomes real.

It's fine for me to say "I can't believe you did that to me and I'm not taking you back" if it's just me, but it's not just me is it. As soon as I tell him then I am going to have to consider working through it so that our child has its father around. And I always thought we'd be doing this together. But why should I take him back? I can't believe he did this. I just can't believe it.

And to have everyone saying I should take him back again "for the baby". Would I honestly ever trust him again?